Charting the World Cup - Part 2

With the internet awash with writers offering their opinion on the World Cup, here is another alternative view on events in Brazil, the TV coverage and social media reaction. The 2014 FIFA World Cup in graphs and charts.

You can look at Part 1 here

Double clicking on each graph will expand them to full size for better viewing. Enjoy!

My Dislikable XI - Number 5 (Isaac Ashe - Goaltastic)

Welcome to Isaac Ashe of Goaltastic who proffers the 5th Dislikable XI for your delectation. With some succinct and irrational reasoning and a little Lion abuse, but not the kind that would get Zoo Check visiting. 

Picking an all time favourite XI - piece of cake.

Picking a most hated - actually quite hard.

It’s no fun dredging up all that negative emotion, remembering being annoyed and agitated and frustrated and let down by players - as a result you may notice a strong England theme to my picks...

Goalkeeper Rob Green

This was probably the hardest position to pick  - I feel pity, not hate, for keepers. They’re like bass players in bands, they’re fall guys. But I went for Rob Green because he definitely lost England the World Cup. All on his own. And he didn’t even look bothered.

Left Back Ashley Cole

Despite being told to steer clear of obvious targets, I cannot avoid the inclusion of the continuously moaning, spoilt little prat that is Ashley Cole. Sorry.

Central Defender Rio Ferdinand 
#get #off #twitter #for #a #bit #and #concentrate #on #your #rapidly #declining #football #career

Central Defender John Terry 

Despite being a pretty decent - if slow - defender, there’s no way that Terry should be an automatic starter at Chelsea with the likes of Luiz, Alex and Ivanovic as competition, let alone as England’s captain, as he seems to think is his divine right.

Right Back Dani Alves

Another clearly talented player with attacking skills to match most forwards - but dives on contact, rolls like he’s been shot and then moans like a spoilt four-year-old for a yellow card. It’s embarrassing to watch.

Right Wing Arjen Robben
How has one-footed Robben reached the lofty peaks he has in the world game? If any defenders are reading this, he’s going to cut inside and shoot. Every time.

Central Midfield Doriva

Middlesbrough have signed a Brazilian midfielder? Really, that’s exciting. Can’t wait to see him play. Oh.

Central Midfield Gareth Barry

The most boring that someone who could be described as a mercenary could ever be.

Left Wing Theo Walcott

The English Djibril Cisse, an expert in running in straight lines and then thumping the ball. Sadly for Walcott he has to do this on the wing, so is not immediately in front of goal when the thumping occurs. And he’s about 12 years old so we’re going to have to endure this for years to come.

Striker Emile Heskey

The most frustrating forward to watch ever. Can’t score, can’t hold the ball up, can barely stand up for any length of time. There are half a dozen goalkeepers with a better goals-to-games ratio than sorry Emile.

Striker David Villa 

Is a striker for the best club side and best national side in the game, yet manages not to be a prolific goalscorer - what gives? Plus he has that stupid bit of fluff on his chin.

Manager Pep Guardiola

Has a record to match any manager out there - not surprising, as he’s only ever managed ruddy Barcelona. I reckon even I could have won a few trophies starting out a managerial career there. Please someone send him to Partick Thistle or somewhere for a season or two.

Previous Dislikable XIs:

No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

Up next:
No. 6 - Football Charlie

No. 5 - Goaltastic (Isaac Ashe)

My Dislikable XI - Number 2 (Lanterne Rouge - The Two Unfortunates)

After my opening post in the series last week, which you can read here, it is my pleasure to welcome Rob Langham (Lanterne Rouge) from the football league website The Two Unfortunates to offer up his Dislikable XI.

As the purveyor of an avowedly non-partisan website, I’m not really allowed to truly dislike players so I found the brief provided to me by A United View on Football a difficult one to fulfil. Nor would I resort to the easy option of including Joey Barton or Lee Bowyer in my list – they’ll be amply covered by others no doubt - and including Chris Morgan might upset my genial host. So, although some of the XI below make it on to my list for traditional reasons, there is a strong political bent to my selections, for which I make no apology.

Goalkeeper: Jens Lehmann

Having said all that, the curly topped custodian does make it in for sheer odiousness. A 2007 visit to the Emirates allowed me to witness the full force of the man’s personal acidity, stationed as I was behind his goal. Selfish, arrogant and unapologetic that being in the team was more important to him than the club winning trophies – no wonder Manuel Almunia is a bit rubbish after years of this guy glowering at him?

Right Back: Phil Neal

I disliked Neal as a player for his possession of average talents despite his presence in one of European football’s greatest ever sides and the mediocrity of his England displays during a barren spell for the national team in the late seventies. But the respect I had for him due to his emergence from the un-footballing environs of Irchester, Northamptonshire, was extinguished after The Observer Sport Monthly exposed his wish to make financial gain for talking about the Heysel Stadium tragedy.

Left Back: Paul Robinson

Like many on this list, Robinson is a man who we would all secretly like on our team and, most of the time, he emerges from his fearsome tackles with the ball. But he isn’t dubbed the poisonous squirrel by accident. For it’s not so much the combine harvester limbs that make the Bolton full back scary; more the psychopathic gaze that precedes the act of ball winning itself.

Centre Back: Emlyn Hughes

Ironically castigated by Neal in his autobiography for being mean with money, Hughes was quite annoying enough before this revelation. A Seventies icon who seemed to embody the gruesome light entertainment of that age, Crazy Horse reached his apogee on A Question of Sport¸ famously turning into mush at any contact with Princess Anne -and he even cropped up hosting his own quiz show Box Clever, as well as making an appearance in the infamous It’s A Royal Knockout.

Centre Back: John Terry

The first name on the team sheet as always.

Central Midfield: Siniša Mihaijlović

A sumptuous talent at home in midfield or in defence, capable of fulfilling the old fashioned sweeper role and possessor of a mighty lash from free kicks, a man from Vukovar was never going to emerge with average opinions but growing up near the Serbo-Croat border does not excuse his alleged branding of Patrick Vieira as a “nero di merda”, nor does his admittance that he is plagued by dreams of being attacked by snakes. Now blazing a trail through various Italian hot seats, Jonathan Wilson has argued that his portrayal as a demon is grossly simplistic – doubtful.

Central Midfield: Paul Ince

“The Guv’nor” moniker has of course been roundly parodied and never appears without the preface “self-styled” – but it’s not so much the label, more the humourlessness that accompanies its usage that invites ridicule. I waver on Ince and admire him for his trailblazing role as a Black player and manager and his excellence in Manchester United’s return to prominence, but his snarling style never provoked admiration and nor does his decision to accept the gaffer’s role at MK Dons – twice.

Winger: Paolo Di Canio

Another man unlikely to be too bothered by the rise of the extreme right in Europe, Di Canio has admitted to being a fascist, but not a racist – well, that’s all right then isn’t it? Just as some feel that the likes of Franco and Mussolini can be excused because of their non-involvement in the Final Solution, others feel that Di Canio is a loveable rogue. Nor should we ignore various managers’ assertions that he always happened to be suspended over Christmas and nor, as a Reading fan am I surprised that he’s now talking to Swindon Town about their vacant manager’s job!

Winger: Arjen Robben

Like many on this list, an outrageously gifted human being, but in a two year stint of watching weekly Premier League football in 2006 and 2008, and against stiff competition including Cristiano Ronaldo and El Hadji Diouf (as well as my club’s own Stephen Hunt and Leroy Lita), Robben was comfortably the most ready to plunge to turf when challenged. Tom Daley would be proud of him and that’s without even mentioning the furrowed brow and abuse levelled towards team mates who dare not pass to him – most clearly exhibited during the 2010 World Cup.

Striker: Alan Shearer

A rumoured dressing room bully who presided over Newcastle United’s mindset like a footballing version of Finchy from The Office, it would be informative to wonder how the Toon might have fared if all hadn’t been about HIM during his spell in black and white. During that period, Didi Hamann was proffered a copy of Mein Kampf and Alessandro Pistone provided with a sheep’s heart as Christmas presents. His tactical meltdown as a manager has been topped only by his abysmal punditry.

Forward: Duncan Ferguson

Ex-Scunthorpe United striker Ian Botham almost made it in for his continued Little Englander pronouncements, but it’s a man who was also on that Newcastle United yuletide gift list who nabs the final spot. Never more than an average player, Ferguson once boasted of never losing an aerial battle, despite ample televisual evidence to the contrary, and his decision to abandon his national team displayed a petulance and self-regard entirely at odds with his meagre contributions on the pitch. Rarely can someone who averaged a goal every 4 games been afforded the kind of hero’s welcome provided by Everton fans recently. Four convictions for assault complete the picture.

Manager: Jose Mourinho

An obvious choice maybe, but this personification of the Machiavellian mindset has attracted by opprobrium ever since his questioning of the Royal Berkshire Ambulance Service. He is a wonderful managerial talent and a worthy successor to the likes of Helenio Herrera, but some grace would not go amiss. His touchline posturing and inability to take adversity on the chin would be bad enough but his antecedents in Salazar's Portugal confirm his shady malevolence.