Thursday, 9 June 2011

My Dislikable XI - Number 3 (9 Men)

Number 3 in our burgeoning series of Dislikable XIs comes from the Dagenham & Redbridge blog 9-Men, who you can also follow on twitter here.  With recent non-league exposure for the Daggers, we are introduced to some dislikable Conference characters as well as other more familiar names. The red shirts represent Aldershot, in case you are wondering. 

Goalkeeper: Paul Hyde
A posturing, bad-tempered jerk of a goalkeeper who played against us for Dover several times in our Conference days. Normally found strutting around his area without any hint of humour, it was surprising that he didn't take a mirror onto the pitch so he could make sex faces at himself.

He managed to infuriate our crowd further by deliberately treading on our striker's chest in one particular match at the Crabble. I say "striker", he was more of a telegraph pole with big ears.

Right Back: Dani Alves
Despite his lung-bursting forays up and down Barca's right flank, Alves ruins it all with the darker side to his game. He has perfected the "jump, roll and scream" when any opposition player dares attempt a challenge on him.

Left Back: Darren Barnard
The former Wales international will forever be remembered at Dagenham for the time he decided to blast a loose ball into the crowd, hitting one of our fans at point-blank range. Completely out of order.

Centre Back: Peter Clarke
Back in 2008 the Daggers visited Southend United in the FA Cup. Trailing going into the final minutes, our keeper Tony Roberts went up for a corner which was half-cleared. Clarke tried to hold Roberts back resulting in a square-up which saw the big defender collapse to the floor holding his face. Realising he was being mugged, Roberts also unconvincingly held his face, but it didn't help as the referee showed him the red-card.

Now playing for Huddersfield, Clarke could more recently be seen giving our striker John Akinde a couple of helpful shoves as he looked certain to score.

Centre Back: Kevin Muscat
The former Wolves defender hit the headlines in January for this so-called "worst tackle ever" whilst playing for Melbourne Victory, but this is merely the tip of the iceberg. He ended Matty Holmes' career, damaged Dugarry's knee ligaments with a brutal tackle from behind, and took a lump out of Craig Bellamy's knee which ruled the Welshman out for 4 months.

He should have been banned from the game a long, long time ago.

Central Midfield: Adam Miller
This is a guy that actually played for the Daggers, but he'd already earnt a black mark against his name from his years at Canvey Island, Grays, Stevenage and Aldershot. The main incident of note came in an Essex Senior Cup tie when he launched himself two-footed into Ashley Vickers - Vickers was sent off for his reaction and Miller escaped unpunished. His girly hair doesn't help his cause either.

Central Midfield: Jimmy Strouts
Pure unadulterated filth, and not in a good Jenna Jameson kind of way. His years patrolling Dover's midfield in the early 00s normally meant trouble for the legs of their opponents. Whilst it was rather intriguing watching his duels with our hard-as-nails Steve Heffer, you couldn't help but wince whenever Strouts moved in for the kill.

One such duel in 2001 saw Strouts scythe into Heffer before the favour was returned with interest minutes later. Strouts saw yellow, Heffer (predictably) saw red.

Central Midfield: Michael Brown
Brown is essentially a thug. He has made a career out of horrendous assaults on his opponents which mainly seem to escape the attention of referees. He got a deserved red card for this dreadful two-footer on Sean Davis, but stamps on Ashley Cole and this one on Giggs were not deemed worthy of such punishment.

Like most self-appointed hard men, he makes cowards' tackles and cries like a baby if somebody fouls him. Oh, and he's got an arrest to his name, for whipping his old-chap out in public.

Forward: Cristiano Ronaldo
Rat-faced little scrote. Very good at football, but still a rat-faced little scrote.

Forward: Aaron McLean
We've seen a lot of Aaron over the years at Dagenham, playing for Orient, Aldershot, Grays and Peterborough. It was with the Shots that he first came to prominence, his theatrics ensuring that Vickers was shown a red card in our 2004 clash. He's since proven himself to be a niggly, irritating git who loves nothing more than a sly push or tug on the shirt whilst also collapsing himself where possible.

Forward: Luis Suarez
Words cannot describe how much I dislike Suarez, but I'll try to come up with some. He spent much of the recent World Cup diving all over the place holding his ugly, sneering face and then topped it off with his goal-line "save" against Ghana. Unfortunately he is now play(act)ing in England.

Manager: Steve Evans
There is simply no other candidate to manage this bunch other than the man who cheated his way to the Conference title in 2002 with his criminal dealings. Quite simply a complete scumbag in my opinion.

Previous Dislikable XIs:

No. 1 - A United View
No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

Up next:

No.4 - Saha From the Madding Crowd (William Abbs)

1 comment:

  1. Great choices. I find it hard to see the inclusion of "Lord" Michael Brown. He played the best football of his career with us, his passing more destructive than his tackles and his goalscoring more prolific than his card count. Oh to have Michael Brown of 2002/03 at Bramall Lane now! I accept his disciplinary record elsewhere has been less than exemplary.