My Dislikable XI - Number 13 (Dave Stevens)

The unlucky 13th in the Dislikable XI series is supplied by a Royal in exile in the States - I am not referring to Sarah Ferguson. Dave Stevens is Reading born and bred, but being based in Las Vegas doesn't limit his ire towards this team of irritants. They are displayed in the red shirts of Swindon Town, although in choosing the colours Dave surprised himself, realising he hadn't actually picked any Town players.

You can follow Dave on twitter at http://twitter.com/#!/shakefon

Goalkeeper Carlo Nash

I might as well start as I mean to go on, so I'll admit from the outset that a lot of my choices are based on actions against Reading players. Carlo gets the nod ahead of several other undesirable shot stoppers thanks to an incident in February of 2006, when Reading - high flying and a mere month away from sealing promotion to the Premier League for the first time ever - met Preston at home.  

With barely 5 minutes remaining in the first half and the scores tied at 1-1, Reading striker Dave Kitson chased down a long ball, only to be met (and clattered to the ground) by the on-rushing Carlo Nash, who - as memory serves - entered the 50/50 in a manner Jackie Chan would be proud of. Kitson went down and had to be replaced while Nash escaped without even being booked. Nasty. I like to call him Carlo "Rash", or at least I did when he would actually be able to get a game (zing).

Right Back Danny Mills

I've never been a fan of that rat-like bully with short-guy syndrome Gary Neville, so you'd think that the man who replaced him at a major tournament after injury would be on my good list. Well, you'd be right- unless, of course, that replacement was a weasel-like bully with short-guy syndrome, incapable of going an entire match without making at least one of the following: awful pass, reckless challenge, disciplinary faux pas or positioning error. Danny Mills: get out of my sight.

Left Back Julian Dicks

While I'm a fan of the physicality of English football, of players getting stuck in and not being afraid of being solid in the tackle, I don't rate players who build a career around unflinching hard challenges or those who revel in "hard man" nicknames.

Julian "The Terminator" Dicks basically fails my own personal "fit and proper persons" test on those factors alone but I'll admit that his influence on the (mercifully brief in popularity) "game" of Fouling Football that some of the more agricultural players at our primary school would whip out during a perfectly good kickaround certainly sealed his fate in being chosen at Left Back here.

Centre Back Chris Riggott

Nasty piece of work, Chris Riggott. A centre back with questionable ability, he travelled to Reading's Madejski stadium with Middlesbrough on the first day of the 2006/07 season. A sunny day, this was Reading's first ever game in the top flight. A game that hadn't started too well for the Royals, as they found themselves 2 down with barely 20-odd minutes gone. Riggott then proceeded to hack away at anyone and everyone who had the misfortune to be in spitting distance of the Boro goal - first his own team mate, Arca who had the audacity to clear the ball to stop it rolling over the line, and then - earning his spot in this dislikeable XI team - a few yards from the centre spot, he went in high on Dave Kitson (who had earlier scored Reading's first top flight goal in history) and did extensive damage to his knee, such that Kitson barely played for the rest of that inaugural Premier League season. Talentless Thug. 

On the plus side, in looking him up just now while writing this, I've seen he's unattached and doesn't have anyone interested in him. Karma's a bitch, Chris.

(Riggott subsequently re-signed for Derby County)

Centre Back John Terry

If the Oxford English Dictionary genuinely accepted photographs as definitions, and defined phrases as well as words, the entry for "Flatters to Deceive" would be a big ol' picture of John Terry.

I hate to break this to those England fans (probably Chelsea sympathizers) who haven't noticed this yet, but Terry's nowhere near as good as he's touted to be. Yeah, he'll throw himself in harms way to block a shot - bravo - but how much of England's "hoof it upfield" woes have come from JT? Plenty, as he seems to treat the ball like it's on fire - get it out as quickly as possible, disrupt, destroy! Give me a ball-playing centre back any day of the week over Mr. Route One. Oh, and his off-field dalliances

certainly don't help his cause.

Right Midfield Danny Murphy

2008. Reading's second season in the Premier League. That well known Syndrome has been in full effect, but on the last day of the season, there's still hope. As long as we win and Fulham do not, we're staying up. We travel to Derby. We put 4 past them. There's not long left in the days games - a mere 14 minutes of regulation time. Could we have performed the great escape? Would we live to fight anoth... oh god, Danny Murphy's scored a header. He never scores headers.

And thus, Fulham preserve their top flight status and we return to the familiar surrounds of the second tier. You know what, Danny Murphy? Fulham have had plenty of time to enjoy the top flight.  Wouldn't have done them any harm to drop down for a year or two. Reading were going to extend their stadium capacity if they stayed up. Thanks for killing off all those jobs, Danny Murphy. Oh, and the hopes and

dreams of many a Royals fan.

Left Midfield Stewart Downing
His inclusion here is not entirely his own doing, I must admit. But Stewart Downing deserves his place on the left flank here for the simple fact that there is currently a bidding war going on for him in excess of £15m. Why does that make him dislikeable?

Easy! Cause he's really nothing special. He's a winger and he's got less than 10 assists in the past 2 years. He plays on the left, is English, and yet has done nothing to solve the English Left Side dilemma. He drifts in and out of games and is lightweight to a fault. £15m! Put a decimal point in there and we'll talk, but that's ludicrous.

Central Midfield Michael Essien

This wasn't a difficult choice, the man seems to consider his job half done if he doesn't go flying in studs-up at least once per half. Seemingly not in possession of a footballing brain, Essien is a classic example of a brute who gets away with a lot of vicious, malicious challenges simple because he plays for one of the league's top clubs. Guaranteed if he was playing for the likes of Stoke, Wigan or Fulham, he'd spend the vast majority of the season watching from the stands as he served out yet another suspension.

Striker Dean Windass

I'm not sure I even need to explain this as I'm pretty sure most of you read the name and thought "yep..." but for completeness, I'll tell you why I'm including him.

I don't know how well known Ivar Ingimarsson is outside of the Championship, but to those of us who follow Reading, he was a great servant and well known for his discipline. Prior to the 2003/04 season, he'd never been sent off - and in fact, to date, he's only been sent off twice. The first time in his English football career that he saw red was thanks to the aforementioned Windass who, while playing for Bradford decided that football wasn't enough of a game and going on the wind up would be better.

Not content with biting Ricky Newman in the build up to Bradford's opener, he then punched Ivar before headbutting him subtly. The icelander (perhaps understandably) pushed him away and received a sending off for his troubles, courtesy of a clueless Linesman who claimed he elbowed Windass. All smiles, the "model pro" Windass came off the pitch at the end of the game saying "I've conned him, I've conned the ref!" pleased as punch, before having to be escorted back to the dressing room by his teammates as the Reading players moved to confront him for his antics... I certainly don't miss the guy in the game.

 

Striker Tommy Smith

So, it's August 2009. Us Royals fans are still reeling from a second half of the season capitulation (a feeling we should probably have been getting used to) that saw our mighty Reading team drop from 2nd place (and an immediate return to the top flight) to the playoffs and the inevitable loss to eventual winners Burnley. Oh, not to mention the subsequent sale of our top players (Kevin Doyle, I still miss you every day...) and the resignation of our most successful manager of all time, Steve Coppell.

Now I'm sure you can imagine, that's a lot to take in one go. So, to preparations for the new season. New manager, new plan. We're sat refreshing the transfers page on SkySports website, hoping for some good news and lo and behold, what's that? Tommy Smith has passed a medical and is set to sign??! The same Tommy Smith who scored against us a few times? A GOALSCORER?! Rejoice... until, of course, we discover that he's swanned off to Portsmouth and signed there instead. I feel like his subsequent lack of form is the gods showing their opinion of his decision.

Striker Kenny Miller

Where to begin with this spiteful little scrote. He first appeared on my radar as he scored for Wolves at the Madejski and proceeded to celebrate the goal in front of the home fans rather than the substantial away support that had travelled down from the midlands. You stay classy, Kenny Miller - way to disrespect both sets of fans in one fell swoop... He's further helped in to this team by my ancestral roots: my family on my mother's side are staunch Rangers supporters and I was reminded on many a family visit north of the border that you don't cross the old firm divide as a player - especially not twice.

Manager Alan Pardew

A great way to undo years of hard work at a club and the respect and admiration that comes with it is to down tools and walk out for a club in the same division. For extra points in the "lost credibility" stakes, go ahead and claim the move was too good to resist given how "massive" the club is. And so it was with Alan "Parjudas" Pardew, who - on the back of transforming Reading from a team doing little of anything in the 2nd division (as was) to play off contenders in the 1st division (the old names were better, weren't they?) - decided that he'd very much like to abandon all that and manage West Ham - a truly massive club...several positions below Reading.

I enjoyed every single defeat he suffered at that club, especially his first return to the Mad Stad and a brace from Dave Kitson and of course, the 2006 FA Cup Final where he oversaw his team losing a 2-0 lead, a 3-2 lead and then a penalty shootout. Oh how I never tire of seeing his smug face fall.

Previous XIs

No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

No. 5 - Goaltastic
No. 6 - Football Charlie
No. 7 - Phil Lupton
No. 8 - Lee Doane
No. 9 - Leazes Terrace
No. 10 - Gib Football Show
No. 11 - The Exiled Robin
No. 12 - Ashley Hurst

My Dislikable XI - Number 12 (Ashley Hurst)

In another fan selected XI , it is a pleasure to welcome a fellow Blade, Ashley Hurst, to A United View. He went his first match when he was 5 and had a season ticket for 20 years, since he was 8. Although Ash moved away from Sheffield at 17, when he joined the RAF, he still endeavoured to return every weekend possible to watch his beloved Blades and continues to do so now whilst residing in Lincoln.

He plays for and is assistant manager of @interbladesfc, which is a supporters club team founded in 2001. http://www.interbladesfc.co.uk/ You can also follow Ash on twitter at @ashsufc1889

Generally my hate disliking of footballers normally revolves around there off field actions. Players like Joey Barton, Ashley Cole, Steven Gerrard etc. are far too easy to list there antics are world renowned and not really worth giving them the attention anymore.

On this list I’m going to try to concentrate on the onfield actions of certain players. We all know them, the dirty gits, the career thieves and the just downright useless…but my heart may have ruled my head with a couple on here…

Goalkeeper Jens Lehmann

Mardy, whinging, dirty, cocky and arrogant, are just a few words to describe this so called footballer. Claiming that a fellow team mate is “out of his class” exemplifies those traits. He’s stamped on players, thrown water at officials and always had something to moan to the ref about. Throughout his career he’s made some monumental saves, but he has also made some all mighty balls ups…

Right Back Gary Neville

Quite simply put; a career thief. How this just about average footballer managed to carve such a long and illustrious career is unbelievable. He was never the best in the world, or even anywhere near the top 100. He was never talented, just average at best.

Also the whinging and attitude of the player was disgusting. Always the first to start the Man U cloak around the referee, and always the last leave it alone, mostly unscathed.

Left Back Ryan France

What a god awful excuse of a footballer ;-) One of the most awful players ever to pull on the red and white shirt of the mighty Blades. No ball control, no passing ability, can’t tackle, jump, head, or kick…Pathetic.

Centre Back Kevin Muscat

One of the beautiful games so called “hard men.” When in reality he was just a downright dirty player and a thug. Many times has his rash, late, professional fouls erupted into violence with fists being thrown, just for him to walk away laughing afterwards…He never liked it if it happened to him.

Centre Back John Terry

The “new Bobby Moore”…Funny that, I didn’t see Bobby Moore crying is eyes out after World Cup 1970. Not like this pansy was after losing in the Champions League Final in Moscow. Not only that, he’s amazingly overrated. I don’t reckon much the Rio, but he’s far better than JT.

Oh…and he’s a dirty cheating toe rag too.

Central Midfield Jody Morris

Another average player is still managing to fraudulently earn money as a footballer. The little ankle biter that started at Chelsea, then Leeds, Rotherham, Millwall and now at St. Johnstone has managed to convince people that he is a Defensive Midfielder, when in fact he’s just a fit lad that runs around a field.

Added to this abusing American Tourists after 9/11, drunken brawls, sex offences and drink driving simply make this “man” a vile rotten ……………… My moment to refrain from swearing.

Central Midfield Carton Palmer

This is nothing to do with him playing for the other team in Sheffield. This is about is inability to play football (Are you seeing a pattern here?). He was described as "abrasive, awkward and argumentative" but on the pitch he was "determined, hard-working and persistent" by Dave Jones, the then Southampton manager. The latter three comments are what I think, but add to that no football ability and you got the perfect description for Carlton Palmer. Someone that can only run around for 90 minutes is NOT a footballer.

Central Midfield Vinnie Jones

Known as one of footballs “Hard Men” and now has the same tag in Hollywood. Anyone remember the “Soccer’s Hard Men” video, a video that encouraged wannabe players to be dirty. All Jones had in his arsenal was the ability to kick opposing players rather than the ball. Footballers are supposed to be role models, yet this tw@t got himself in the limelight big style…Now this thug is a Hollywood star which just makes it all even worse.

Centre Forward Ade Akinbyi

A striker that can’t score goals………is not a striker, or in this case, not even a footballer. He will be remembered by many Blades fans for “that goal” against Wednesday, but to the rest of us he was a waste of money, space and oxygen!

Centre Forward Jason Lee

“He’s got a pineapple on his head!!”

How have people not sussed this one out yet?!?!? Nineteen different clubs and he’s still getting paid to play (and even now manage). For a striker his goal scoring record is poor at best, even in the lower leagues he doesn’t manage to hit the back of the net much…Just bloody useless!

Centre Forward John Fashanu

AWOOGA…Yeah, does that piss you off too?? Fash is quite simply on my list for the Gary Mabbutt incident. Most of his career spent as part of the infamous Wimbledon Crazy gang, an era of football that bred tw@ts like him (Jones, Wise etc..). An average player, with one hell of a dirty streak.

Manager Bryan Robson

Well, being a manager is a hard task for anyone. Each manager has his own qualities. Some can get a squad together with little or no money. Some can get a team playing the (almost) perfect game. But this choice is made simply due to his sheer arrogance.

Step up Bryan Robson.......Awesome player, don't get me wrong, but as a manager it's a totally different story. At The Blades, his build up play was...well...erm...virtually non-existent. It seemed like an age to get the ball up the pitch, and then when it got there the players didn't know what to do with it. They had no passion, fight or belief. It was almost like they didn't want to be on that pitch. Just like Mr Robson himself I suppose, stood by the dug out.

He was given some money and made a couple of very excitable signings, but also with wage bills to suit.......and he did naff all with them.

Previous XIs

No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

No. 5 - Goaltastic
No. 6 - Football Charlie
No. 7 - Phil Lupton
No. 8 - Lee Doane
No. 9 - Leazes Terrace
No. 10 - Gib Football Show
No. 11 - The Exiled Robin

Up next:


No. 13 Shakefon (Dave Stevens)

My Dislikable XI - Number 9 (Leazes Terrace)

The eleventh My Dislikable XI, but number 9 in the series (I am an accountant - murky practices with numbers is fine!) comes rom Chris Smith - co-editor of Newcastle United site Leazes Terrace. A fine selection it is too and one that I have put in red & white stripes. Chris was relaxed as to what kit they wore, I just thought with Cattermole in the XI and Steve Bruce managing them it was appropriate.

Goalkeeper Jens Lehmann

The infamous German 'keeper is so adept and persistent at acting like an utter prat I really don't know whether to dislike him or admire his effort. 

I mean, it must take some serious commitment to go to the extent of waging a personal hate campaign against a team mate, as he did with Manuel Almunia.  A strange strategy in the end as it could be argued if Jens concentrated as hard on belittling and winding up his opponents (opponents in his case being anyone other than Jens Lehmann) and instead concentrated on the football happening in front of him he might have actually made a genuinely top class ‘keeper, rather than one in a line of let downs.

Right Back Stephen Carr

One of the more subtle dislikes in my footballing world - Carr became instantly dislikeable upon his move to Newcastle for being generally sh#t at defending, in a defence that was already well catered for with inability.  However, his frequent insistence on screaming until his face turned blue at a very young James Milner was mainly what made me take a dislike to the man - more so as the majority of time Carr was in the wrong.  A Mediocre player with the attitude of a man playing a faultless game. Thoroughly dislikable.

Left Back Ben Thatcher

Claims the other fullback berth for this act of brutal thuggery. Practicing the traits of a still-drunk nutcase from the Tyneside Sunday leagues has no business at all in the sport of football.

Centre Back Marco Materazzi

Normally, any player that manages to kick Craig Bellamy in open play, and eventually get the Welsh motor mouth sent off because of it, would be overlooked for disliking.  But Materazzi's underhand ways stretched far away from players that deserved such treatment - his crowning 'glory' being goading the legendary Zinedine Zidane into assault during his final game (2006 World Cup final no less, as you will remember).

When not physically or verbally goading the opposition into physical attack, Marco regularly resorted to the good old fashioned crunching tackled - a 'man' with scant disregard to an opponent’s physical well-being.  A dirty, cheat.

Centre Back Neil Ruddock (C)

Handed the captains armband for my dislikable XI as being, by some distance, the biggest ball ache of the lot.  Not content with being one of the finest examples of the traditional 'kick the man first, and the ball second' defenders, 'Razor' has since extended his arrogance and annoyance factor to a variety of off the field antics – usually manifested by a string of egotistical ‘hard-man’ statements of non-intent. 

His crowning achievement since leaving football being a fleeting string of appearances on Soccer AM (says it all), visiting various clubs to take up run of the mill jobs, claiming he could ‘do anything’ – simultaneously belittling the people unlucky enough to have his company forced upon him for a day.  Forgettable as a footballer, and even duller as ‘celebrity’.

Right Midfield Morten Gamst Pedersen

Briefly labelled ‘the Nordic David Beckham’ - after a few storming seasons of goal of the month contenders it seemed as though Blackburn had found themselves a real gem.  Sure, even in those days he was showing a keenness to hit the floor at minimal contact but it was easy to forget that when he was smashing the resulting free-kick into the back of the net from 25 yards. 

However, having arguably reached his peak in 2006, the ego of (now just) ‘Gamst’ started to flare beyond his capabilities and form stumbled as a result, eventually ending up as he is now contributing the odd goal every now and then in between diving more often than a submarine – this being his finest effort. He now spends his spare time on posting cookery videos on his expensively assembled blog:  http://gamst.co.uk/.

Left Midfield Damien Duff

One of many players tainted by the name-your-wage era of Freddy Shepherd's Newcastle United, Duff's disliking comes largely through little fault of his own.  Signing Duff at a knock-down £5m after he had just completed a silverware laden spell with Chelsea seemed like excellent business, but was done so at a time when Newcastle were woefully short of strikers (Alan Shearer having just retired and Michael Owen on permanent England duty) but furnished with an exciting young winger by the name of Charles N’Zogbia, who had already shown his ability at the top level.  Duff proceeded to butt young N’Zogbia out of all contention for left midfield, scandalously pushing him into a wasted left back berth despite Duff’s constant stream of mediocre and disinterested performances.  Contributing a goal every 14 games for his reputed 70k a week (a goal ratio bettered by N’Zgobia at Newcastle despite playing a large proportion of games at left back), Duff regularly looked as threatening as a Village Fayre – and left a legacy of financial waste and a huge contribution to the loss of Charles N’Zogbia (finished off by Joe Kinnear).  Damaging and disliked.

Central Midfield Jack Wilshire

England's finest young football, a teenager well on the way to becoming a multi-millionaire with the world at his feet...and doesn't he half look angry about it all.  Although not wanting to single out Wilshire for demonstrating the same disparaging attitude which many other young footballers do, he does manage to do it to an extraordinary level. What are you getting all upset about lad?  You've bloody got it all, you've won - just calm the hell down...

Central Midfield Lee Cattermole

I've always been astonished at how Cattermole managed to make it into the professional game - I could perhaps take it as solid evidence that even in the 21st century there are no safe guards in place to prevent genuine nutters entering the game. For the interests of having genuine reasons for disliking players, I was trying avoid the current Sunderland squad – but Cattermole is impossible to overlook.

He is someone who I have had a personal dislike for ever since, when at Wigan, he needlessly clattered into then Newcastle player, Habib Beye, leaving our full-back injured for months.  Like Ruddock earlier, Cattermole religiously practices the 'kick the man first, and the ball second' strategy, and managed to excel himself through this adoption by being sent off in two of his first three appearances last season (after being made captain no less).  A coward and a thug – thoroughly disliked.

Centre Forward Michael Owen

A candidate for one of the worst human beings to exist on the right side of the law.  A great shame as well, as a young Owen demonstrated all the attributes to be a fondly remembered footballer - a positive and sporting attitude on the pitch and professionalism off it.  But since his ill fated move to Newcastle, the striker's greed and self interest have spiralled wildly out of control, to the point he now finds himself a token gesture at Manchester United (whilst still genuinely believing he is so much more than that) and taking great pride in gloating to the common man about his love for his insignificant role.  A pathetic excuse of a man who makes a mockery of every person who would have given their lives to play football, and also to those who have been unfortunate enough to have had to retire from the game through the injury.

Centre Forward Dennis Bergkamp

Sublime, classy, silky skilled, genius of the pitch...but it was his occasional (and I'll stress rare) tendency for unsporting behaviour that left a bitter memory of the Dutch genius.  Again, it’s personal (is that not the point of this?) – stemming back to two separate incidents in the early 2000’s. 

Firstly was a less well documented stamp on Nicos Dabizas at Highbury, during an FA Cup replay – at the start of a fast break which saw Arsenal score their third of the day (in fairness, it would have made no difference to the final result). 

The second was far more memorable incident where Bergkamp decided take an innocuous free-kick, early – toe poking the ball off Newcastle winger Laurent Robert with the clear intention of having him booked, and subsequently sent off.  Debate what you like about the latter incident, but it was something a player with his boundless ability did not need to do and wholly unsporting – as good as waving an imaginary card in the referees face.  I never quite had the same respect for him after that.

Manager Steve Bruce

Now, Bruce would seem an obvious choice given our allegiances and his current employment - but the current Sunderland manager has been thoroughly dislikeable ever since he made the step up to management through a combination of arrogance and disloyalty. His first four managerial appointments saw hm oversee a miserly combined total of 147 games. 

His illogical defence of Lee Cattermole after a particular atrocious challenge on Habib Beye (as mentioned earlier) also showed a true lack of ‘spine’ and even further moved him away from any chance of attaining respect.  His assumption also that he would have the ability to walk into the Newcastle job (despite the post being often vacant) but never bothering to apply, essentially looking to be begged to join got a number of people’s back’s up on Tyneside, perhaps eventually taking the post at Sunderland with a little spite in mind (certainly no issue of loyalty, or origin).  Having said that, his current post has managed to move him from figure of dislike, to one of entertaining ridicule – this last season managing to find himself in the position of being disliked by all Newcastle fans and a sizeable proportion of Sunderland fans also.  Now that takes some doing...

My Dislikable XI - Number 11 (The Exiled Robin)

For the second time in just over a month I welcome Paul Binning of the Bristol City site The Exiled Robin to the pages of A United View. Paul very kindly contributed to this article following Danny Wilson's arrival at Bramall Lane. Today, he offers an XI with an unsurprising sprinkling of Rovers and offers up a chairman suitable for any Dislikable XI. You can also follow Paul on twitter @cider1977




For any Bristol City fan of a certain age, any of the Bristol Rovers team from late ‘80s/early ‘90s could have made this XI – a team that not only seemed to beat us every time we met, but played an aggressive, nasty, direct style of football straight out of the Charlie Hughes School of Tactics, and then pipped us to the Division 3 title in the penultimate match of the 89/90 season with a 3-0 win.  I’ve managed to restrict myself to the two ‘Gasheads’ who epitomised that team most.

Goalkeeper Jens Lehmann 

Aside from the fact he was a German ‘keeper who saved the odd penalty – a characteristic certain to rile any English football fan, Lehmann was one of these players who never seems happy unless he’s whinging or moaning about something.  Beckoning the referee to caution opposition players, running 40 yards to get involved in a brawl, aiming vitriol at ball-boys for holding onto the ball too long are all reasons enough to include him in this XI, but for me it was his incessant time-wasting and lack of general sportsmanship that sealed his spot.

Right Back Nicky Hunt

Signed by Steve Coppell at the start of the 2010-11 season, Hunt was touted by many (including this writer) as potentially a more important signing than the glamourous, marquee-signing of England goalkeeper David James.  Here was a solid defender with decent Premier League experience who could establish himself at right-back and lead the rest of the defence.  How wrong we were! 

From day one he looked slow, lacking in anticipation and generally dis-interested.  Two particular moments in an early-season evening game at Ashton Gate stand out, where the bottling out of a header and a 50/50 challenge near the touchline in front of the normally placid Williams Stand was the final straw.  So bad, and so unpopular that questions were asked of manager and chairman at the AGM as to how quickly we could get rid of him – and they answered them!

Centre Back Ian Alexander 

The first of the Gas (Rovers) team from the 1980’s, the best way I can describe Ian Alexander is to compare him with Gary Neville to Liverpool fans, but even more abrasive, aggressive and he had one of those stupid little moustaches that were so popular 25 years ago! 

Only 5ft 8in, he made up for his lack of height by regularly kicking lumps out of City’s more talented left-wingers, Alan Walsh & Dave Smith throughout his eight years in the north of Bristol (and Bath!).  In today’s game he would have been sent off almost every time a derby match came along – in those days he managed to escape with only a couple of red cards, and numerous cautions.

Centre Back Gus Caesar

Gus makes the team on the basis of being probably the worst player to ever pull on a City shirt.  Signed from Arsenal, he has often been named as their worst-ever player, largely as a result of a dreadful mis-kick in the 1988 League Cup Final that led to an equalising goal for Luton when Arsenal were leading 2-1; they went on to lose 3-2.  He was also named number three in a 2007 survey for the worst players to ever play in the top-flight…..and we signed him!  Gus made only 10 full starts before it became readily apparent to all that he simply wasn’t cut out to make it, and following a few short spells elsewhere, quickly disappeared from view.

Left Back Paul Robinson

Another relatively short full-back (maybe there’s a size issue here?), his thuggish and unnecessarily violent behaviour has caused serious injuries throughout his career, most notably Birmingham’s Damian Johnson who had his jaw fractured in two places following a close encounter with Robinson’s elbow, and, a little further back in history, Stewart Talbot, who successfully sued Robinson and Watford following ten months on the sidelines after a typically horrific Robinson tackle.

Central Midfield Shaun Derry

The fact that he’s the first person on Neil Warnock’s team-sheet wherever he manages says almost all you need to know about Derry.  A real old-school enforcer, Derry marshalls the area in front of the back four with the subtlety of an entire rugby club out in town on a Saturday night, all dressed as Smurfs! 

He gained particular dislike amongst City fans following numerous fiery clashes with Crystal Palace during the 2008/09 and 09/10 season.

Central Midfield Dave Penney 

Long been one of my most disliked players for a challenge on cult hero Junior Bent back in the early 90’s whilst playing for Oxford.  Penney’s swinging elbow – you could actually see him looking at where to aim – broke Junior’s cheekbone in three places and kept him out of the game for some time, some argue he was never quite the same player again.  Added to his notoriety in South Bristol by becoming manager of Rovers in January, but proceeded to nearly squeeze his way out of this XI by being so hopelessly inept that he took Rovers from mid-table to the bottom of the league and inevitable relegation.  

Central Midfield Ian Holloway 

OK, OK, I do feel the need to qualify this one by saying it’s his playing career and early managerial career focussed on here.  Even the most hard-nosed City fan would find it hard to not smile at his more recent, comedic moments in the spotlight, and he was on the receiving end of a Panto villain’s style booing during his last couple of visits to Ashton Gate, rather than the vitriol that has been a part of previous visits. 

But the fact remains he has blue & white blood running through his veins, and was the epitome of all we hated about Rovers some twenty years ago.  Tough, abrasive, irritating, irksome, Holloway was the central cog and leader of that team and liked nothing more than to put one over on “the City”.

Forward Marco Gabbiadini 

One of those players who always, always seemed to play well and score against us.  It may not even be true, history perhaps shading memories a certain colour, but I always remember when casting my eye over a team-sheet in the programme and seeing his name, thinking we’d be in for a tough afternoon.  Another fiery player, he is also the first player I really remember who berated referees for every decision, went down ‘easily’ and was more than happy to waste time when it was to his benefit.

Forward David Kelly

If memories of Gabbiadini ‘always scoring’ are a touch vague, that is certainly not the case for ex- Walsall, Newcastle and Wolves (amongst others) striker Kelly.  He did score every time we played against him, particularly during his early years at Walsall, when the most notable single moment of his career came.  Kelly scored a hat-trick in a 4-0 win at the now-defunct Fellows Park, in a replay of an early version of the current play-off final.  City’s record in play-offs remains wretched, with not a single success despite numerous attempts.  I still blame David Kelly!

Forward Marlon King 

My original list included Dean Windass for the single reason that his Wembley volley stopped City’s elevation to the Premier League, but in the time it took to write this out, King made certain of being the final name on the list.  For the few of you not au fait with the situation, King served nearly a year at Her Majesty’s pleasure after being convicted of sexual assault and actual bodily harm.  Now, I’m very much in the camp that people deserve a second chance once they’ve done their time, and although King now has fourteen separate offences to his name, I was slightly relieved when the Sky Blues offered him a contract last season.  

He scored twelve goals in the second half of the season to win over most of the critical fans, and then verbally agreed a three-year contract, apparently setting Coventry up with a platform and a goal-scorer they could build a team around.  Then, this gentleman of a man, such a fine upstanding citizen, proved his character and demeanour by walking away at the flutter of more money and decided to repay Coventry’s significant faith in him by moving the short distance up the M6 to local rivals Birmingham.

Manager Tony Pulis 

Steve Coppell was an obvious candidate having left us in the mire and walking out just three games into the season, but this particular spot has to go to Tony Pulis.  Firstly, he’s a Gashead, having played for Rovers for eight seasons at the start of his career. 

Then, having achieved significant success with Gillingham – he was the manager when the Gills so nearly turned over Man City at Wembley – he arrived at Ashton Gate as the man to take us back to the second tier.  He spent £400k on a striker called Steve Jones (who nearly made this list he was so bad), and signed ex-Rovers player Peter Beadle, playing a style of football that the nation’s fans have now become all too accustomed to.  Only six months in and following rumours of a switch to Portsmouth, the home fans made him all too aware of where his future should lie.  The team he left was probably the worst at Ashton Gate in the last 25 years.  To make it all even worse, City was probably the only club he has taken backwards thus far in his career.

Chairman Simon Jordan

I know not many ‘elevens’ would include a chairman, but Simon Jordan simply has to have a mention for his despicable behaviour following the non-allowing of a goal when Freddy Sears hit a shot that bounced back out from the stanchion, something only the referee and assistants seemed to fail to spot. 

Jordan demanded we offer them a replay, saying “if it was me I would have taken the moral high ground”, before going on to call the club “cheats”, “gutless”.  Moral high ground…Simon Jordan….really?!

Unfortunately, the formation software couldn't supply the quartered shirts of Paul's cross-city rivals. Just in case you thought he wanted them in a Blackburn-esque kit........



No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

No. 5 - Goaltastic
No. 6 - Football Charlie
No. 7 - Phil Lupton
No. 8 - Lee Doane
No. 10 - Gib Football Show

Up next:

No. 9 (I missed 9!) Leazes Terrace

My Dislikable XI - Number 10 (The Gib Football Show)

It is an absolute pleasure to welcome Andrew Gibney to A United View. He is editor of the gib football show website and host of the NOPA award nominated podcast of the same name. With site features on a wide range of global football topics, the Celtic supporter (exiled in the White Rose county) has also started reporting on Yorkshire Football Weekends - well worth a read. You can follow Andrew on twitter at @gibfootballshow. Here is his XI, not as many ex-Rangers players as you might expect.



When I was asked to pick a disliked XI only two or three players sprung to mind. Growing up I was never a massive follower of the Scottish national side so there’s no one to play our indifference on, and to be fair we know we’re rubbish so we don’t have “ze Germans” or “that wee fat Argentine t*at” to blame on our failure.

It is too easy to pick a team of Rangers players that as a kid I watched beat Celtic for a good 8/9 years until Henrik Larsson come along. So I have tried to pick an XI that I dislike on a purely spiteful and personal level or a random outside the box reason.

Goalkeeper David Seaman (England)

No it’s not the pony-tail, or the ice-dancing or even the moustache. I’m not a secret Spurs fan or an Arsenal fan that can’t forgive him for Nayim’s wonderstrike. England were 4-0 up on Holland during Euro ’96 a fantastic performance from the English. As it stood Scotland would progress through to the Quarter-Finals….the first time they would ever reach the 2^nd stage of a tournament.

And then Patrick Kluivert scored….thanks David. Where was your wonder-save against Holland eh!

Right Back Maicon (Inter Milan)

One of the best right backs in the World you say, well where were you over 2 games against Tottenham, you had to go and play rubbish and make that little twerp Gareth Bale look like a world beater. Maicon’s awful performance has lead to miles and miles of column inches dedicated to the “Welsh wizard” fantastic ability when he is no more than a decent footballer. Thanks for nothing Maicon.

Centre Back Rafael Scheidt (Celtic)

People outside of the SPL bubble might not be aware of Rafael Scheidt’s greatness. Signed by Martin O’Neil back in 1999 and given the seal of approval by Brazilian football expert Tim Vickery, Celtic fans were excited by the prospect of a classy Brazilian centre-back, the fact his surname was pronounced “SHITE” could be overlooked if decent. “We’ll just call him Rafael”. Now he goes down in Celtic folklore, probably as one of the worst players outside of Du Wei to ever pull on the Celtic jersey. Signed on the back of a DVD it is £4.8m that Celtic will never get back. Scheidt by name, Scheidt by nature.

Centre Back Scott Wilson (Rangers)

A name that always fills me with disgust; basically he wasn’t a very good player in an average Rangers side. To compensate for his lack of abilities he spent most of his time indulging in badly timed reckless challenges resulting in either the victim limping off the field or Wilson being shown a red card. After 200 appearances for Dunfermline he has recently moved to Australia with North Queensland Fury…apt name I think.

Left Back Stuart Pearce (England)

Psycho Pearce, he had all the traits an England defender needs…the heart the passion, the determination. Wasn’t it great when he scored that penalty against Spain at Euro ’96….No!

I just can’t stand him, his face, his voice…I always thought he was an average player that again tried hard so he must be good. I personally wish he’d skied the penalty against Spain into the Wembley night and maybe he would have disappeared forever.

Central Midfield Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)

Let’s get this one out of the way. I am ready for the barrage of abuse from Liverpool fans. I CAN’T STAND Steven Gerrard. I have never been overly impressed with his footballing abilities. To me he is like a dog in the park, kick the ball he will chase after it with energy and drive. Every so often he’ll have a swing with his trusty right foot and the ball will end up in the net. Everyone will rejoice in the wonderful goal and excuse all his liabilities once again.

At the 2010 World Cup I would hope everyone got a glimpse of how tactical naïve Gerrard is, asked to play on the left of a midfield four he was constantly in the centre or even on the right. His positional sense harmed his team. Then the issue of diving, there is a great YouTube video of Gerrard quotes about his disgust for players that dive, linked with videos of him diving. Need I say more?

Central Midfield Barry Ferguson (Rangers)

Probably an obvious choice for anyone who has support Celtic over the last ten years. No doubting the players ability to play football, it’s more about his mannerisms and his personality. Pinpointed by the incident with him and Allan McGregor trying to “secretly” give the finger. Another reason to dislike him was his move to Blackburn Rovers. Making the move to further your career is a great thing, giving up after a few months because you can’t cut it says a lot about a person. Hats off to him for going to Birmingham and doing well. Still an unsavoury figure though.

Central Midfield Nick Montgomery (Sheffield United)

Now nothing personal against Nick, I’m sure he is a lovely person but epitomises everything I hate about British football. The first time I saw him play was against Coventry City at the old Highfield Road, and he was average at best. I had been told about his wonderful work-rate. He always gives his all etc etc. Then I asked what his actual attributes were…silence. So basically he runs about and gets “Stuck In!” and I’m meant to appreciate this. Energy and giving your all should be extras on the side of picking a pass, breaking up play with positional sense and well timed tackles.

Somehow he managed to come 2^nd in Sheffield United’s player of the year vote in 2006, since then he has never shown me more than someone who tries. I expect a little more for players these days. Your greatest trait should not be your ability to charge around the pitch. Look at players like Lothar Matthaeus and Carlos Valderamma, played until they were about 40 because even when their legs were gone they could still pick a beautiful 40 yard pass and change a game. No offence to Monty but I really hope for whatever team your with, you don’t play till you’re 40.

Forward Alan Shearer (Newcastle United)

Great footballer, full blown twat. Basic career summary – Plays some great football, scores lots of goals, whacks a few people in the face with his elbow, gets away with reputation in check. Becomes a pundit, slags off loads of managers. Becomes the manager at his beloved Newcastle United, sees them relegated, and leaves the club. Back on his comfy sofa he’s back slagging managers off. Now the dilemma is do we want him at another club to save us from listening to him on Match of the Day, or do we save another club the nightmare of Shearer being in charge but putting up with him on a Saturday night.

Forward Stan Collymore (Real Oviedo)

TALKSport………….

Forward Kenny Miller (Hibs, Rangers, Wolves, Celtic, Derby, Rangers, Bursaspor…..)

Let’s forgive him the constant moving of clubs, no one else has gone Rangers, Celtic, Rangers as far as I’m aware, so a reason to hate him right there. Don’t confuse the poor folk of Glasgow by playing for both the Old Firm clubs and even going back again. They won’t know what to do. The reason I detest him is not for that. Actually dislike him more for his time at Celtic than at Rangers but this winter I lost all respect for him. Certain he was leaving Rangers for the second time he had a few offers on the table. Birmingham City with Alex McLeish with half decent wages. Fiorentina – Chance to play at a new club and league, for a decent size wage. Or to Turkey and Bursaspor a team that Rangers had beat twice in the Champions League but for a massive bag of cash…..and now he wants to move away from Turkey. I think he should be left there to rot and top up his wonderful tan.

Manager John Barnes (Celtic)

There is only one man that could lead this merry band into battle and make sure they fail at every hurdle. Possibly the worst football manager in the history of football. Tried to set Celtic up in a 4-2-2-2 formation because it worked for Brazil. I may be remembering this wrong but Didier Agathe and Vidar Riseth were not Roberto Carlos or Cafu. Trying to play a midfield duo of Eyal Berkovic and Regi Blinker it was surely bound to fail. And fail it did, beaten by Inverness in the Scottish Cup and Barnes was out on his arse. Whatever Jamaica or Tranmere saw in this man to put him in charge of a football team is beyond me….please let it never happen again.

The kit has to be this.

I couldn't quite replicate that abomination, but at least the colour combination is correct.



Previous Dislikable XIs:

No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

No. 5 - Goaltastic
No. 6 - Football Charlie
No. 7 - Phil Lupton
No. 8 - Lee Doane

Up next:

No. 11 The Exiled Robin