My Dislikable XI - Number 10 (The Gib Football Show)

It is an absolute pleasure to welcome Andrew Gibney to A United View. He is editor of the gib football show website and host of the NOPA award nominated podcast of the same name. With site features on a wide range of global football topics, the Celtic supporter (exiled in the White Rose county) has also started reporting on Yorkshire Football Weekends - well worth a read. You can follow Andrew on twitter at @gibfootballshow. Here is his XI, not as many ex-Rangers players as you might expect.



When I was asked to pick a disliked XI only two or three players sprung to mind. Growing up I was never a massive follower of the Scottish national side so there’s no one to play our indifference on, and to be fair we know we’re rubbish so we don’t have “ze Germans” or “that wee fat Argentine t*at” to blame on our failure.

It is too easy to pick a team of Rangers players that as a kid I watched beat Celtic for a good 8/9 years until Henrik Larsson come along. So I have tried to pick an XI that I dislike on a purely spiteful and personal level or a random outside the box reason.

Goalkeeper David Seaman (England)

No it’s not the pony-tail, or the ice-dancing or even the moustache. I’m not a secret Spurs fan or an Arsenal fan that can’t forgive him for Nayim’s wonderstrike. England were 4-0 up on Holland during Euro ’96 a fantastic performance from the English. As it stood Scotland would progress through to the Quarter-Finals….the first time they would ever reach the 2^nd stage of a tournament.

And then Patrick Kluivert scored….thanks David. Where was your wonder-save against Holland eh!

Right Back Maicon (Inter Milan)

One of the best right backs in the World you say, well where were you over 2 games against Tottenham, you had to go and play rubbish and make that little twerp Gareth Bale look like a world beater. Maicon’s awful performance has lead to miles and miles of column inches dedicated to the “Welsh wizard” fantastic ability when he is no more than a decent footballer. Thanks for nothing Maicon.

Centre Back Rafael Scheidt (Celtic)

People outside of the SPL bubble might not be aware of Rafael Scheidt’s greatness. Signed by Martin O’Neil back in 1999 and given the seal of approval by Brazilian football expert Tim Vickery, Celtic fans were excited by the prospect of a classy Brazilian centre-back, the fact his surname was pronounced “SHITE” could be overlooked if decent. “We’ll just call him Rafael”. Now he goes down in Celtic folklore, probably as one of the worst players outside of Du Wei to ever pull on the Celtic jersey. Signed on the back of a DVD it is £4.8m that Celtic will never get back. Scheidt by name, Scheidt by nature.

Centre Back Scott Wilson (Rangers)

A name that always fills me with disgust; basically he wasn’t a very good player in an average Rangers side. To compensate for his lack of abilities he spent most of his time indulging in badly timed reckless challenges resulting in either the victim limping off the field or Wilson being shown a red card. After 200 appearances for Dunfermline he has recently moved to Australia with North Queensland Fury…apt name I think.

Left Back Stuart Pearce (England)

Psycho Pearce, he had all the traits an England defender needs…the heart the passion, the determination. Wasn’t it great when he scored that penalty against Spain at Euro ’96….No!

I just can’t stand him, his face, his voice…I always thought he was an average player that again tried hard so he must be good. I personally wish he’d skied the penalty against Spain into the Wembley night and maybe he would have disappeared forever.

Central Midfield Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)

Let’s get this one out of the way. I am ready for the barrage of abuse from Liverpool fans. I CAN’T STAND Steven Gerrard. I have never been overly impressed with his footballing abilities. To me he is like a dog in the park, kick the ball he will chase after it with energy and drive. Every so often he’ll have a swing with his trusty right foot and the ball will end up in the net. Everyone will rejoice in the wonderful goal and excuse all his liabilities once again.

At the 2010 World Cup I would hope everyone got a glimpse of how tactical naïve Gerrard is, asked to play on the left of a midfield four he was constantly in the centre or even on the right. His positional sense harmed his team. Then the issue of diving, there is a great YouTube video of Gerrard quotes about his disgust for players that dive, linked with videos of him diving. Need I say more?

Central Midfield Barry Ferguson (Rangers)

Probably an obvious choice for anyone who has support Celtic over the last ten years. No doubting the players ability to play football, it’s more about his mannerisms and his personality. Pinpointed by the incident with him and Allan McGregor trying to “secretly” give the finger. Another reason to dislike him was his move to Blackburn Rovers. Making the move to further your career is a great thing, giving up after a few months because you can’t cut it says a lot about a person. Hats off to him for going to Birmingham and doing well. Still an unsavoury figure though.

Central Midfield Nick Montgomery (Sheffield United)

Now nothing personal against Nick, I’m sure he is a lovely person but epitomises everything I hate about British football. The first time I saw him play was against Coventry City at the old Highfield Road, and he was average at best. I had been told about his wonderful work-rate. He always gives his all etc etc. Then I asked what his actual attributes were…silence. So basically he runs about and gets “Stuck In!” and I’m meant to appreciate this. Energy and giving your all should be extras on the side of picking a pass, breaking up play with positional sense and well timed tackles.

Somehow he managed to come 2^nd in Sheffield United’s player of the year vote in 2006, since then he has never shown me more than someone who tries. I expect a little more for players these days. Your greatest trait should not be your ability to charge around the pitch. Look at players like Lothar Matthaeus and Carlos Valderamma, played until they were about 40 because even when their legs were gone they could still pick a beautiful 40 yard pass and change a game. No offence to Monty but I really hope for whatever team your with, you don’t play till you’re 40.

Forward Alan Shearer (Newcastle United)

Great footballer, full blown twat. Basic career summary – Plays some great football, scores lots of goals, whacks a few people in the face with his elbow, gets away with reputation in check. Becomes a pundit, slags off loads of managers. Becomes the manager at his beloved Newcastle United, sees them relegated, and leaves the club. Back on his comfy sofa he’s back slagging managers off. Now the dilemma is do we want him at another club to save us from listening to him on Match of the Day, or do we save another club the nightmare of Shearer being in charge but putting up with him on a Saturday night.

Forward Stan Collymore (Real Oviedo)

TALKSport………….

Forward Kenny Miller (Hibs, Rangers, Wolves, Celtic, Derby, Rangers, Bursaspor…..)

Let’s forgive him the constant moving of clubs, no one else has gone Rangers, Celtic, Rangers as far as I’m aware, so a reason to hate him right there. Don’t confuse the poor folk of Glasgow by playing for both the Old Firm clubs and even going back again. They won’t know what to do. The reason I detest him is not for that. Actually dislike him more for his time at Celtic than at Rangers but this winter I lost all respect for him. Certain he was leaving Rangers for the second time he had a few offers on the table. Birmingham City with Alex McLeish with half decent wages. Fiorentina – Chance to play at a new club and league, for a decent size wage. Or to Turkey and Bursaspor a team that Rangers had beat twice in the Champions League but for a massive bag of cash…..and now he wants to move away from Turkey. I think he should be left there to rot and top up his wonderful tan.

Manager John Barnes (Celtic)

There is only one man that could lead this merry band into battle and make sure they fail at every hurdle. Possibly the worst football manager in the history of football. Tried to set Celtic up in a 4-2-2-2 formation because it worked for Brazil. I may be remembering this wrong but Didier Agathe and Vidar Riseth were not Roberto Carlos or Cafu. Trying to play a midfield duo of Eyal Berkovic and Regi Blinker it was surely bound to fail. And fail it did, beaten by Inverness in the Scottish Cup and Barnes was out on his arse. Whatever Jamaica or Tranmere saw in this man to put him in charge of a football team is beyond me….please let it never happen again.

The kit has to be this.

I couldn't quite replicate that abomination, but at least the colour combination is correct.



Previous Dislikable XIs:

No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

No. 5 - Goaltastic
No. 6 - Football Charlie
No. 7 - Phil Lupton
No. 8 - Lee Doane

Up next:

No. 11 The Exiled Robin

My Dislikable XI - Number 8 (Lee Doane)

As I mentioned last time, it has been great receiving submissions from football fans as well as seasoned bloggers. Today's submission is from lifelong Blade (you can tell by his twitter name) Lee Doane. You can follow him on twitter as @8LAD35 . When I asked Lee what coloured shirts his XI should be displayed in, I assumed it would be blue and white stripes - but I was wrong! "Let's go for all red, the colour of the glory hunter since the 70s." So here is Lee's Dislikable XI.....

Anything can trigger a lingering dislike of a footballer. It doesn’t have to be because they are a dirty player because let’s face it a dirty player in your own team will usually become a folk hero. I have wished ill on players for many a year for reasons varying from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Goalkeeper David Seaman

I spent a long time thinking of a keeper that I actually disliked. In the end I opted for David Seaman. He was, undoubtedly a top-drawer keeper but prone to dropping howlers when it mattered in the big games. Remember Nayim’s lob from the halfway line, in the Cup-winners’ Cup final in 1994, which had Seaman flailing desperately to get back to his goal, to no avail. The sight of him sat on his arse in the back of the net, chewing his cud is still vivid in my mind today.

Then there was the World Cup in 2002, when Ronaldinho caught him fast asleep. And let’s not forget that pony tail! No, what really caused my dislike was his unbelievable save in the 2003 FA Cup semi-final, denying Paul Peschisolido’s late flicked header from point-blank range. I was on my knees in front of the TV for what seemed like 10 minutes wondering how the hell he managed to adjust his body and produce his Jedi save. The one time we needed him to throw one in and he pulled of a worldy – the git.

Right Back Keith Newton

I was born in 1970, when Keith appeared for England in the World Cup, so he is a bit before my time. I collected Topps Footballer bubble-gum cards in the 1970s and one of the cards I had was Keith Newton of Burnley. I don’t know if it was a bad photograph or the result of a bad pre-photo shoot meal but he had a bit of a grimace – a snarl even. His image disturbed my 5 year old mind so much that I couldn’t bear to look at the card and eventually tore it up.

Left Back Ashley Cole

This is a no-brainer really. After reading that Ashley Cole was physically sick when hearing Arsenal were only offering him £40K a week in a new deal, I was also physically sick. Numerous stories about his personal life make him seem like such a nice chap, don’t you think?

Centre Back Phil Thompson

I am in agreement with Unitedite on this one. I remember Phil winding down his career at Bramall Lane with the other Dad’s Army signings at the time – Peter Withe & Ken McNaught. We also had Dennis Mortimer at the time on loan for a while, so we had 4 European Cup winners at one time. We didn’t play much like European Champions with this influence though.

My abiding memory of Phil Thompson in a Blades shirt was an away game at Notts County. It was late on and the score was 0-0. Thompson trotted back to his penalty area and beckoned the keeper to roll the ball out to him. He received the ball, looked up and tapped it back to the keeper (pre back-pass rule kids.) We’d paid good money to watch a seasoned pro show us such class that wins trophies year after year. He also had a hideous perm in the 70s, like most of his team-mates. Today, I revel in Liverpool FC floundering, as I know how much it hurts “Shnozz.”

Centre  Back Steve Bruce

By the time Steve Bruce became manager of Sheff United, I’d warmed to him a little bit. Nothing he did on the pitch bothered me much. It was probably a picture of him in Match magazine, with Dave Watson, celebrating Norwich City’s League Cup win and the sight of his already gruesome face contorted in ecstasy. Some players you look at and think – “No don’t like yer.”

Right Wing Mark Ward

The ex- West Ham, Everton and Manchester City player was one of those players who always seemed to score against the Blades and to make matters worse, slagged off United’s style of play in the press. When I read in 2005 that he had been banged up for possession of Cocaine with intent to supply I was mortified – honest!

Centre Midfield Carlton Palmer

This XI had to have at least one player from the dark side – Sheffield W*******y and Carlton Palmer fits the bill as much as anyone. Carlton started off his Owls career well with a red card at Bramall Lane in a friendly. He always seemed to have a high opinion of himself, yet was a regular in probably the worst era of the England team, along with a few of his Wendy team-mates – "Flapper" Woods, Sinton, Hirst. Carlton’s England performances even caused Graham Taylor to go berserk in the “Impossible Job” documentary, “Carlton! Carlton! Fucking Hell!” Carlton sealed his place in anti-folklore with a move to Leeds United.

Centre Midfield Nigel Quashie

I had no beef with Nigel until a home game against Portsmouth in 2001/2. United ended up winning 4-3 with a last minute penalty. It was a decent game, despite a strong wind, and I remember a few tetchy incidents. Keith Curle wound up Peter Crouch to almost boiling point and Shaun Derry was sent off in injury-time. As he walked off, he hurled a divot in the direction of the Kop – from the centre spot. I also remember Robert Prosinecki on the left wing who gave our young right-back Ben Doane a football lesson.

So what about Quashie? Well, before the game turned ugly, he headed Portsmouth in front at the kop end and then ran around the pitch giving the shushing gesture to the home fans. WE hadn’t been particularly noisy or hostile towards Portsmouth up to this point, so I couldn’t understand his actions. At the end of the game, 3 points in the bag I was on the Kop screaming “Quashie! Hey Quashie! You’re not shushing now are you, you f*cker eh?” He will, of course, have not heard a word of this but I felt a hell of a lot better for it.

Left Wing Scott Sellars

I was a ball-boy for a Sheffield United v Leeds game in the 80s. Leeds had a corner and as the ball was being rolled over to Scott Sellars to take it, I stuck out a boot and deflected it away from him. A volley of abuse followed. Happily, Sheff United won 2-1 with two Mel Eves crackers and Leeds smashed up the Bramall Lane end.

A few years later, I worked with an old school friend of Scott Sellars, who told me that, if other kids were a bit rough with him in school sports, his mother would have a go at them, “Do you have to bowl body-line at him?” Made my day hearing that.

Striker John Fashanu

I have always found his, “trust me, I am a well-spoken Barnardo’s boy”, butter wouldn’t melt persona a bit hard to swallow. In 1983, in a FA Cup replay, playing for Lincoln, Fash had a 90 minute set-to with United’s Mick Henderson. Sadly he also received some of the worst racial abuse I’ve ever heard. In 1991 away at Wimbledon, Fash blatantly punched away a Vinnie Jones long throw and Sheff United won a penalty. 2 minutes later he did exactly the same. What was that all about?

Striker Lee Hughes

The “Balti Kid” endeared himself to all Blades with a performance at The Hawthorns, when he ran 50 yards to beg the ref to send off Rob Ullathorne. To rub salt in he scored the winner later. He will unfortunately be best remembered for serving three years of a six year sentence for killing a father-of-four in a car crash, although it would only be right for me to keep my dislike of him down to football reasons alone. I would hate it if we signed him.

Manager Ferguson

Sorry, you won’t get any matey, Sir Alex, Alec, Fergie nonsense from me, He’ll always be Ferguson. It’s the stopwatch, the constant chewing of cud, the spitting, the bellyaching at refs, the boycott of the BBC, his Rab C Nesbitt drawl, his mardiness when Preston sacked his son, his team playing in flip flops and trunks against West Ham in 2007, his crappy goal celebrations.

I don’t care how many trophies he wins, in my eyes he will never be able to match the charisma and likability of Clough and Shankly – the 2 managers I place on the highest pedestal.



Previous Dislikable XIs:

No. 1 - A United View

No. 2 - The Two Unfortunates (Lanterne Rouge)

No. 3 - 9-Men
No. 4 - William Abbs

No. 5 - Goaltastic
No. 6 - Football Charlie
No. 7 - Phil Lupton

Up next:

No. 9 Gib Football Show